Time to get creative.

Well this got stupid a long time ago. Nobody pays attention to when I apply for a job, so unless it is simply a case of hundreds upon thousands of similar applicants flooding away at anything they see, I need to make some changes to hopefully pop out to anyone reading my (sometimes) ample qualifications. So, I have decided to include the following sentences peppered throughout my work and education history within my resume:

"Built up an alcohol tolerance of extraordinary magnitude."

"...getting the short end of the stick with an unexpected pink slip after being wooed to go work for a new company with my old boss."

"...making sure the dishes are cleaned before fiancée returns from work..."

"...driving all over Southern California in an attempt to launch music career that has little hope of succeeding..."

"...losing sanity over mundane existence."

I'm also considering inserting random swear words just for kicks. Let's see if anyone is paying attention, hmm?