"You're hired."

Well, I was planning on writing a lengthy rant this coming Saturday, titled "One. Fucking. YEAR." and then likely bitching in tune to and in time with my favourite music of the current moment, but I actually got a job a few days ago, and start this coming Monday. I am going back to construction, but the company seems pretty okay, and the two owners appear to be decent folk. The pay is not nearly what this position would witness just a few short years ago, but right now A Job Is A Job Is A Job. I shant complain, not after 363 straight days of financial instability that shall possibly be a bit alleviated, at least temporarily. I'm going to celebrate by saving up as much god damn money I can, and, just because I want to do my part to help along the ridiculously non-balanced consumer-debt driven economy, will soon place an order for Cliff Bordwell to build me a bass not unlike this example:



So, this will be my last blog here but it was fun while it lasted I suppose, and I hope that anybody reading it learned something, at the very least just how often I can swear at inanimate objects. If/when I find myself under untimely unemployment once again I shall start things up post haste, but hopefully it will be a long time before that happens. Who knows? Don't forget to visit my other rantsite Ugly and Swearing in the meantime.

You know what? Fuck all that. I can't just close it out saying "'k bye, gonna buy a new bass now lolol," because I really have learned a few things over this past year. First, I don't care about your feelings of job security, in economic times like these nobody is secure in their employment, and while you don't want to live your life in fear, I am VERY FUCKING GLAD that a little personal foresight combined with my wonderful domesticated situation with a frugal womanlifemate allowed the two of us to get through an entire year without having to make any drastic changes in our lifestyle. We had a backup plan if things got really bad, but thankfully we didn't need to resort to cashing out saving and retirement funds, moving, or selling something huge like my soul, vehicle, or manhole. Granted, we got pretty damn cheap a few times (and by "a few times" I mean "CONSTANTLY"), but we still had some fun spendy holidays, a vacation or two, and even ate out at restaurants more than I assumed we'd be able to, which translated to Once A Month instead of the Never that I expected. However, although I was already well on my way toward Responsible Spending when this whole escapade brought itself so unwelcomed upon my face, this misadventure really has taught me about the value of money and just how fleeting it might easily be. We're going to be taking a more serious look at buying a house now, but I doubt that I will ever forget this experience (at least until I grow senile, if I'm fortunate enough to make it that far), and my lifestyle has been permanently adjusted to a way of being that may not involve a terrible amount of Instant Gratification, but will hopefully limit our stress while still enjoying life at the same time. Virtue is its own reward? Well hopefully not that far, but something similar when it comes to things wallet I suppose.

I'm still going to buy that bass though. In a few months. Maybe.

GIVE ME A FUCKING JOB.

This will likely not make any sense. You have been warned.

This is ridiculous. Why are able bodied people being told "no, sorry, you want to be a slave to a paycheck, and that benefits everybody involved including yourself, the employer, the community, the city, the state, and the government, but we DO NOT WANT YOU." What the fuck is going on? Oh sure, I've looked for jobs in the past and occasionally after 10 to 20 applications being sent out only one or two will respond, but during those times I either 1) got work quickly, or 2) already had a job so was just trying to change my life a bit. These days, oh no, things are quite different. The length of jobs applied for has grown to insane proportions, and I've gone on FOUR FUCKING INTERVIEWS. Four! Not fourteen, not forty, no. Four. FORE!!!

This fucking blows. This fucking blows goats. This fucking blows rabid goats. This fucking blows ugly rabid goats on a hot summer day. I'm also currently (hopefully temporarily) getting jerked around on my unemployment checks, which by the way equal exactly 30% of my former salary so no, let's not pretend that I actually ENJOY having had to cut back 70% of the money aspect of my lifestyle over the past fucking YEAR, hmmm? Well then, now that that has been stated thusly, it's time to move on to something more enlightening:

FUCK YOU JOB MARKET.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA.
FUCK YOU WASHINGTON.
FUCK YOU CAPITALISM.

Maybe since I've been personally kicked in the nuts by all this mess I see it as worse than it really is in the overall picture, but I still do not see ANY improvement to our current situation unless drastic change is enacted. So far, it hasn't happened. We have not witnessed the giant US Bank building in LA being demolished. Gas has not run out in any corner of the globe. GM has not ceased to exist. Obama has not gone on TV pleading the gathered masses to stop killing anyone in a 3-piece suit. Useless celebrities with no talent have yet to be crucified and fed to their own fans. Will it really take such things for Real Authentic Change to occur? To my 3am wired mind, I say yes. Here's to waiting.

Best Chance: FAIL

So after almost a full year now, I finally got an interview with a place that is nearly identical to businesses that I worked for from 1999 until 2008. Even the position was the same. Field: construction. Trade: masonry. Position: estimator. I can't lose this one, right? Wrong. Alas! It took this long to even find an opening in my exact job description, and even then it didn't come together. Depressing? No, not really. This is reality. This economy can suck it. Anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong. Take your green shoots and shove them up your arse. That's right, I'm getting violent. Well, verbally so, although that little threat likely fell on no ears, especially those whom which it would actually matter, such as the stupid Fed and their idiot cheerleader squad as championed via the Mainstream Media.

So, what shall I do? Continue sucking off the unemployment rolls it would seem. Hey, it has paid my billz up until this point, for how much longer I have no idea. I honestly can't imagine what any debt slaves that are in my position are doing right now. Oh wait, yes I can, I see it every day. They are losing their homes, cars, toys, and sanity. Do I mock those who overextend themselves? Yes, yes I do. Does that mean I wish upon them the mental anguish as associated with such trying times? No. Well, for the most part anyhow. These days are flat out unfair to the overall populace who, though many got in far too over their heads, allegedly live in this Free, Advanced Society where opportunity as seen through the light of Regular Jobs should not be difficult, or at least not impossible, to retain throughout one's normal existence. But we've seen this all before, time and time again. Why? I still cannot get a straight answer as to why Made Up Money (and yes, it is complete make-believe) works certain years, doesn't others, and then pulls randomly timed 180 degree shifts in any chaotic direction it pleases whenever the hell it wants to. Who is in control here? It certainly is not the general population, no matter how many faux elections they let us "participate" in. Is it the government? Possibly not even them, as witnessed by certain failures across the years (notably the USSR but more recently places like Iceland). Some small group of cigar smoking zillionaires? Probably. The strings of billions are yanked by the hands of 3 old, ugly, disgusting men sitting around a fire in what appears to be a Sartre play, but is so much more serious and deadly. Who the fuck are they? Why do we put up with them? Someday they shall pay for what they've done? Unlikely.

Despair

No, not the Nabokov novel, though that is swell indeed (and not nearly as depressing as I assumed it would be), rather I speak of the feeling of hopelessness that one can succumb to at times of utter, well, despair. Yes yes, I understand that there is nothing I can do to help the current global economic collapse (outside of digging myself into debt like The Fed so desperately wants us all to do at this point), other than go through the motions of applying for jobs that dried up ages ago yet continue to rot like so much bad fruit on the Monster.com vine. So, as a realist to this entire situation, the feeling does not hit me very often, but at this current moment, I'm a bit depressed. My second unemployment extension is set to start within just a few short weeks, and while my billz are very thankful to have that wee stipend to help stave them off until the next month, it is a continually discouraging feeling that no, I am not in control of my immediate, let alone far away, financial future. Granted, after almost an entire year spent Without Job we are in a lot better shape that I thought we would have been when It First Hit The Fan, but that does not mean things are peachy keen. Not even close. So, here are some words of encouragement for anyone finding themselves in a situation similar to my current mental instability concerning the whole mess:

Things are still going to get worse.

All this crap about late 2009 seeing the end of the recession, housing bottoming out, government stimulus jobs coming out the wazoo, and other lies, are, like I just stated completely factually, lies. The root of the current economic problem is housing, and housing has a long way to go before it comes back, or even stops shitting itself to some degree. Since myself and Ze Woman are currently getting in the mood to buy a house (yes, even without me working, how smart is that?), I've been doing even more research than usual about such things, because apparently even though construction left me hanging in the lurch last year, I still cling to it for at least some form of daily entertainment. There are deals in the cheaper housing areas right now, a lot of them even. But in the mid-range to upper? Nothing doing. Yet. However, the days of looming Alt-A / Option ARM resets are coming (Google it for more information), and this will send additional shitwaves through the system that has already been wracked by the subprime mess. That means more job losses, lower home prices (by the way this is a GOOD THING because housing is still TOO EXPENSIVE), and all the other associated crapola we have had to deal with since early 2006.

Of course I think things currently are much worse than any of the powers that be are letting on, what with the banks that should have failed a year ago still being propped up by future tax dollars. We were told the bailouts would Fix Everything, but in reality they were nothing more than tools in order to Buy Time in hopes that things would Get Better on their own. They haven't, so either more bailouts are in store (while people will still stand for them), or perhaps Oblammer will be honest with the world and say "yeah, shits all fucked up," allowing the Zombie Banks to fall on their collective faces, allowing some form of new system to rise up from the stinking ashes. Not that he is the only that has to, as it seems nearly every other country in the world is equally fucked than the US, if not more so. We just happen to the be largest zit on the forehead. Either way, the current state of Almost Done is all bullshit, and we're in for a much deeper storm than most people let on.

Although it's not as though I've given up hope, no no. In finding a job soon sure, I continually doubt that will happen anytime soon, especially since the last time I got my hopes up for just that I went into a prolonged funk, but as for the fate of the overall populace? We'll be fine. Eventually. I'm not nearly as pessimistic as I was about this even 6 months ago, if anything I think this Great Downsizing may be seen as a Good Thing someday in the far future. I'm certain that the world will get through this and come through stronger, because we shall, for the first time in 75 years or longer, be able to shrug off that horrible spectre of Perpetual Debt, either by force or perhaps just by finger. Well, unless peak oil hits us in the face before somebody comes up with a viable alternative that is. Because if oil dries up before that, everything will be solved by mass extinction of the human race. Whee!!!

Néw Résumé Tímé

Shortly after last night's decision to get a little creative, I think I went gonzo and typed a multiparagraph tirade in lieu of a traditional resume. I have not sent this to anyone yet, and depending on my judgment/sanity at the time of next New Job Search, I may decide to just keep plugging away at my old, boring, practical one. Not sure yet. So anyhow, here is my 4am whatever from earlier this morning shortly before losing what was left of my ability to comprehend reality for the day. Enjoy.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am hoping that this is not the typical resume that you see day in, day out. If this has been done before then alas, but I never thought I was a terribly original person anyhow. I'm not going to give you a specific breakdown of the various schools and employers forced to deal with me over the years, but instead I shall prattle on aimlessly in hopes of catching someone's attention where my usual resume has failed, or at the very least bring a smile to your face for but one fleeting moment.

My professional history is simple. In high school I was a tutor, then I got a job at the local K-mart so by the time I hit college I could buy a car. Something cheap, but not necessarily explosive in nature. Once I hit the years of higher eduction, K-mart was wearing thin, so I did what all the fancy kids do and found myself a nice, boring office job. That worked just fine for years. In fact I even stayed with the same boring office job once I finished my Bachelor of Arts because hey, they were pretty decent folk and the pay kept increasing the more I did what they told me to do. Anyhow, so after quite some time at that same place, I moved on to another very similar job because they offered me the world, and by the world I mean a nicer salary and more laid back atmosphere, two things that don't often combine but sure did sound sweet to me. What I didn't know is that “laid back” really meant “laid off” after only a year or so, and here I am, fruitlessly stuck collecting unemployment checks as I desperately search for jobs that seemingly no longer exist.

My personal life is needlessly complex, but uneventful to the point of sheer boredom to anyone not immediately part of it to a vast extent. I shall summarize it briefly by saying that my two main hobbies are writing and music. I write a lot, I read a lot, I listen to and play a lot of music. I wish I had more time to devote to all of that. I wish I got paid to do what I love, but unless I'm sending this to Rolling Stone or perhaps to some huge record label alongside my band's latest demo album, the chances of that are slim. Oh, and one quick aside, I am a long haired male. For whatever reason this image-based society deems me a biker, drug addict, or some other form of unkempt individual, but I assure you that I am none of those things.

Well I think that about wraps it up. Oh, you might be wondering what field I was part of for 9 years, or perhaps what specific school or subject in which my BA degree was procured, but really, does it matter? If so, and you've read this far into this whole mess, odds are I have piqued your interest enough to warrant a phone call (if anything perhaps just for a stern talking-to), and I will be glad to discuss any specific details you would like to hear about at that time.

Sincerely,



Adrian Smith

I'll probably only send it to potential writing jobs, but hey, maybe somebody else in a Boring Office Job that nobody cares about may sympathize and grant me pity employment.

Time to get creative.

Well this got stupid a long time ago. Nobody pays attention to when I apply for a job, so unless it is simply a case of hundreds upon thousands of similar applicants flooding away at anything they see, I need to make some changes to hopefully pop out to anyone reading my (sometimes) ample qualifications. So, I have decided to include the following sentences peppered throughout my work and education history within my resume:

"Built up an alcohol tolerance of extraordinary magnitude."

"...getting the short end of the stick with an unexpected pink slip after being wooed to go work for a new company with my old boss."

"...making sure the dishes are cleaned before fiancée returns from work..."

"...driving all over Southern California in an attempt to launch music career that has little hope of succeeding..."

"...losing sanity over mundane existence."

I'm also considering inserting random swear words just for kicks. Let's see if anyone is paying attention, hmm?

$95

Not counting unemployment checks and bank account interest, that is how much money I've made since losing my job. I used to make $95 before lunch on a daily basis. Scratch that, I just did the calculation, I used to make $95 just after 10:30am each work day. Wow. That is far too depressing a statistic to continue on this current blog-path. Think I'll go hang myself, or at least visit http://www.freetetris.org/ for a spell. Gone.

Okay nevermind, after the initial shock of that horrific exercise in wallet-sized mathematic discovery, I'm back. Didn't even get a single round of Tetris off even. Why? Because that number really doesn't matter. No giant burden has unleashed itself unto my household since last August, and even what few moneyfights The Woman and I have succumbed to have been brief at worst. Well okay, I think with one I ended up waltzing out the door off to the hills for the majority of the night, without my cell phone of course because yes I'm Just That Mature, but that was an isolated incident. Generally speaking, I'm probably a happier person these days, regardless of the fact that certain months we barely squeak by with Them Billz, because money is only a tool to be utilized when able, nothing to get chained down by when not.

So. $95. More than 10 months. No temp jobs, no great musical escapades, nope. Just a handful of freelance writing assignments, obviously few and far between. I stopped hearing from numerous job applications in any way, shape, or form months ago. Hopefully they'll keep pumping my mailbox with unemployment benefits as this Economic Recovery begins to take hold. Just kidding. There is no recovery. Not for years. Wait and see.